Last week, the least successful Heisman winner since Jason White tried to drag the only city that would embrace him. Former Browns QB Johnny Manziel went on the IMPAULSIVE podcast with Logan Paul (who’s a bigger douche than even Manziel) and had choice words about his time in Cleveland.
“I hated Cleveland so much, and I know that’s going to be tough to hear,” Manziel said. “That place definitely aided to my depression for sure.”
Now, that statement would be hurtful….if it didn’t come from one of the sorriest excuses for a quarterback in NFL history. The Browns had high hopes when they selected Manziel with the 22nd pick of the 2014 Draft. All those hopes, however, were quickly dashed. The 2012 Heisman Trophy winner proved all of his doubters and haters right, he was a bum. In two years, he threw for 1,675 yards and seven touchdowns with just as many interceptions. As pitiful as he was on the field, he was just as bad off the field. After multiple incidents and a stint in rehab, he was cut from the team on March 11, 2016. It was a turbulent time for someone who “hated” being here so much.
Verbal jabs from underachievers are nothing new to the ‘Land. Back in 2010, former Chicago Bulls C Joakim Noah infamously said, “You like it? Do you think Cleveland’s cool? I mean, I’ve never heard anybody say,’I’m going to Cleveland on vacation.’ What’s so good about Cleveland?” Big words from someone who spent the majority of his career carrying Derrick Rose’s bags. This quote came during the first round of that year’s Eastern Conference playoffs where the Cavs beat Chicago 4-1. It’s seems ironic that Noah’s complaining about a vacation in Cleveland ended with Cleveland sending him on an early vacation.
The barbs weren’t just contained to the court either. In 2018, former NASCAR driver Danica Patrick made history as the first woman to ever host the ESPY Awards. Even with as groundbreaking as this was, she still took the chance on a lame, cheesy joke at Cleveland’s expense.“No matter what else is going on in the world, sports has always had the power to inspire and give hope unless those people are from Cleveland.”claimed Patrick. That joke earned her a few pity laughs and nothing else. Her time as ESPY host was just like her racing career, a complete snoozefest. She has no wins in 191 NASCAR races, and only seven top-10 finishes.
Another has-been to take a swipe at the 216 this year was “comedian” Aries Spears. After a show in Cleveland earlier this year, Spears let his frustrations out on the “Sean Anthony Live” podcast. “I’m officially retiring from doing stand-up in Cleveland. That city is America’s toilet bowl,” Spears said. “I can’t stand Cleveland. I hate Cleveland with a passion. They just don’t seem sharp, and they seem miserable.” Now to Spears’ credit he was right about two things in that statement. If someone were to spend their hard-earned money to see Aries Spears perform stand-up in 2025, they probably aren’t that bright. Also, sitting through his stand-up routine for more than five minutes would make anybody miserable, so there’s that too. The last time Aries Spears was relevant, George W. Bush was president; Lebron James was a high school sophomore; and I was learning my ABCs. On behalf of the entire city, I say thank you, Aries Spears, for no longer performing in Cleveland, we’ve been through enough as it is.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Whether or not that opinion is valid, respected, or even listened to is a completely different story. Johnny Manziel and the menagerie of morons I mentioned all have negative feelings about Cleveland, but they also have another thing in common as well. They’re all failures in their respective careers, except maybe Joakim Noah (and he wasn’t all that good anyway). It’s best to give these idiotic ramblings the attention they deserve, none at all.
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