We’ve all got a favorite Bill Walton story, right?
Twenty-one weeks down, infinity to go. Land-Grant Holy Land’s Bucketheads Connor Lemons and Justin Golba are back for another version of “You’re Nuts,” where basically Connor beats Justin in debating something.
In life, everyone can use a laugh, especially nowadays. So for this week’s version of “You’re Nuts,” we decided to try to bring a slight smile to the readers’ faces. If you watch college basketball, then you know who Bill Walton is. The UCLA legend is one of the greatest college basketball players to ever play the game, and — like plenty of other retired basketball greats — he has been broadcasting and commentating games for ESPN on and off since 2002.
However, unlike most other commentators, he has become known for his particular brand of wacky commentating and talking about things that have zero relation to the game he is covering. Some people love it, some people hate it, but regardless, you have to admit it is incredibly entertaining.
So this week, we are taking a look at our favorite Walton on-air broadcasting moments.
Last week, we debated who is the most underrated or under-appreciated Buckeye hooper from the Thad Matta era. Connor went with David Lighty while Justin went with Jon Diebler.
Connor and Lighty received 61% (31 votes) of the votes while Diebler and Justin got 24% (12 votes). Other player, that nobody named, received 16% (8 votes) of the vote.
So, here is where we stand now.
After 21 weeks:
(There has been one tie)
The comeback for Justin starts today. Take it to the Monopoly bank.
Without further ado, let’s take a peek at our picks for the best or favorite Bill Walton broadcasting moment.
Today’s Question: What is your favorite Bill Walton broadcast moment?
Connor: Walton telling the TV audience that he has both milked a cow “and been milked” in 2015
What the hell is Bill Walton ever talking about? “I’ve milked a cow before… And I have been milked.” pic.twitter.com/4qNf5ZwzgO
— Evan Wettstain (@EvanWettstain) March 5, 2015
There’s a bevy of hilarious Bill Walton moments to pick from, because I’m 95% sure he’s high on shrooms and/or other psychedelics when he calls PAC-12 games after dark. Some people can’t stand him on the broadcast, because he strays so far from the actual game, but I think it’s fantastic.
With that said, I would not want him calling an Ohio State game. But for a late night USC-UCLA or Utah-Arizona game? Yes please. No better way to wind down than listening to Bill Walton talk about Zion National Park at midnight while the University of Washington puts Oregon State in a blender.
On this particular day, however, Bill decided to drop a nugget on the TV audience that gave everyone pause. The above video barely does it justice, but it’s all I could find online. During the USC-UCLA game in March 2015, they somehow arrived at the topic of “milking” (a cow, I’m assuming? It’s been a few years). Walton — very matter of factly — profoundly stated that he has milked a cow, and has also been milked.
As is customary with most ridiculous things Walton says, nobody asked him to expand on this, because doing so would most likely be inappropriate for a TV audience. That, and because there were fewer than 20 minutes left in the basketball game, and how much of that do we want to just be Walton talking about being milked?
A few weeks later, Walton participated in a Reddit AMA, where someone asked him — you guessed it — what it is like to be milked. The people just would not be denied a good milking story. Walton responded, and it’s not quite as raunchy as you’d probably expect:
Bill Walton did an AMA and answered what it’s like being milked.
Never change, Bill Walton pic.twitter.com/2vntsGoBnl
— SportsNation (@SportsNation) March 27, 2015
So, Walton wasn’t saying that he was literally milked, but that when he played basketball, his teammates would “milk” him when he was the hot hand. Keep getting him the ball until he cooled off, that kind of thing.
But still, out of context, that was pretty freaking weird. And just leaving it as is and not explaining it made it even better.
If you’re interested in listening to Walton this season, just turn on ESPN most nights around 11 p.m. ET and there’s almost always a low-quality Pac-12 game being called by Walton and his play-by-play partner Dave Pasch. If nothing else, it’s good for a laugh or two. The basketball is just a bonus.
Justin: Walton eats his birthday candle…twice
At this point in time, there are multiple things that you can point to that Walton has done that is hysterical. His theatrics have entertained and annoyed people that tune into Pac-12 basketball after dark for years now.
However, of all the things he has done, nothing has made me laugh out loud in pure disbelief more than when I watched this man eat his entire birthday candle on his birthday cupcake, lit flame and all. And then he doubled down and did it again.
The first time was during a game between Washington and Arizona State in February 2019, where he was presented with a cupcake along with Pasch for another person’s birthday.
The second time was during a remote broadcast during the COVID-19 pandemic on Jan. 30, 2020. That one is shown below and he buries his head in the cupcake and seemingly has an out-of-body experience for the 15 seconds he is eating it.
Another iconic Bill Walton moment pic.twitter.com/S3DkSN2qOH
— SportsNation (@SportsNation) January 31, 2021
Arguably, the best part about all of this is Pasch’s reactions. He is normally used to Walton’s antics and plays along, but in both if these videos, you can tell he genuinely loses it both times when Walton eats the cupcake; the second time he is no less shocked and amused as the first time that Walton did it.
Whether you hate him or love him, you have to admit, the man is simply golden television.